Crew investor-operator Anthony Precourt was so desperate to be taken seriously in Austin, Texas that he arranged an “exclusive” interview with the American-Statesman this week. It most definitely wasn’t a reaction to columnist Kirk Bohls picking a part PSV’s relocation efforts like Pipa vs. a team of 1st graders. So how did the “boyish-looking, introverted” Precourt’s attempt to rebrand himself as anything other than a bungling failson [and monorail salesman] go? Let’s just say there’s so much gold in Bohls’ follow-up column that it would’ve finished top of the medal count in Pyeonchang. Honestly, we could devote next week’s entire Starting 11 to it but we couldn’t wait that long. So instead, we’ll just give you some of the greatest hits.
Buzzword Soup
Here’s Boyish Anthony on the merits of McKalla Place, which is basically the only city land still on the table for a stadium:
“[McKalla is] midtown. It’s the new downtown.”
WELL ACKCHYUALLY McKalla Place is a toxic chemical dump site that’s about twice as far from downtown Austin, Texas as MAPFRE Stadium is from Broad and High.
“If you were to throw a dart at the point in the metropolitan statistical area that’s the most accessible to the highest number of people in Austin, the Domain (area) is compelling.”
If you were to put a copy of “Business Studies For Dummies” in a blender, run it on high for 7 minutes, dump everything out on the floor and pick 14 random page scraps, you’d be able to form a more coherent, meaningful sentence.
Queso
Anthony is committed to Austin, Texas as evidenced by this authentic, off-the-cuff expression of affinity for local cuisine:
How sold is he on Austin?
“I have a total weakness for queso,” he said.
Bold Commitment
We’re pretty sure Tsung Tzu once said “when you have a weakness, pretend it’s actually a strength.” Exhibit A:
As evidence of his commitment, Precourt reminded that he announced his intentions to leave Columbus shortly before the Crew’s postseason run — a bold move, indeed.
Would just any sentient “Entourage” DVD be able to pull off such an amazing display of cunning? It’s a masterclass! Why aren’t you giving him all of your parks, Austin!?
Oh wait, here’s why:
Still, he’s anything but an open book, and that can foster distrust.
On Columbus being an untenable option, he said, “I prefer this discussion be about Austin. We had success in Columbus, but it hasn’t been sustainable.”
Hmm, wonder what changed?
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Guillermo O’Rourke is real-life, award-winning journalist and commentator. His book, Nine Lies: The Search for Crew Cat’s Killer still needs a publisher. Did you see something Good on line that should be featured in the next Starting 11? Tweet @gcgbag96 and let him know using the hashtag #DonGarberPeeTape.